Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
