What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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