Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
