Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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