girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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