i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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