Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
