Where is the hickey?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
