He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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