he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just cropdusted the office
I haven't been this sober since birth.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
