The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize