when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
