am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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