It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
