dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
