Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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