I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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