god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
