oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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