I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
