can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Found your dick twin last night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
