I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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