Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The uberlube is also flammable
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
