May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
