i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
