Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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