Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
are you so shy because you have an std?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
