yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
