yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
