Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
