i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
