so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
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bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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