Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
