new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
