Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
