when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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