is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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