you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
