i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
