Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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