Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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