ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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