I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
