I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You are the jesus of drinking
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
