omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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