wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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