im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
