people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
