I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
