You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
