So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
