I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
