I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
