So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
