I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
