ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
