i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
