he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
