He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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