just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
