whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
