Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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