And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
