did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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