Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
