I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY