is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment