yea but for you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for