you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
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I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?