I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED