apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
