does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
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Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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