dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
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Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes