could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
