We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
