I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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