So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think i peed on brittanys purse
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
